The Adventures of Super Scrubs

Once upon a time, there lived a doctor named J who worked in a magical castle/Zoo and who had 2 older ugly step-sisters/registrars. Now unlike most fairy stories, these step-registrars were generally ok to their poor younger colleague but would make him do all the menial cleaning-type tasks such as ordering tests and consults whilst they got all the fun chopping people up in theatre.

Now usually in regular-type fairytales the downtrodden protagonist wished that they too could do whatever it was that the older oppressive-type people did (like go to the ball or do surgery) but Dr J had neither aspirations for either going to the ball or slicing and dicing with scalpels.

But one day the fairygodmother/consultant said "You should go to theatre young man! And wear these silly gumboots and blue pyjamas like the rest of us!"

So the fairygodsurgeon waved his magic scalpel around and voila! Dr J had a quiet day and made it into theatre to watch a magic camera get stuck into some old guys prostate. But his funwas not to end there. That very afternoon another surgeon type figure was performing an entire list of paediatric circumcisions in the adjoining Kiddies Hospital. So Dr J all dressed up (minus the gumboots cos he thought they just looked plain out ridiculous) spent his Thursday afternoon watching little boys get their hoodies snipped off. And as if this wasn't the tip of the iceberg, he was then allowed to scrub in and assist in an adult circumcision with the step-registrar.

Poor Dr J had never seen so much blood pouring from such a magical organ and began to feel quite nausetious and squirmish. He kept being told by the step-registrar (who was a female and prbably not aware of the social etiquette for such body parts) to "Squeeze it harder" whilst she slashed it open and fried it with her magic cautery wand.

Eventually he finished, however the step-registrar wanted him to stay scrubbed so he would assist with an orchidectomy (removal of the tesiticle) for someone with a 10cm tumour (to which a nursing unit manager replied "Isn't that the normal size?").

Having just semi-emasculated several males, he was in no mood to chop someone's source of testosterone off, and just at that moment his magical pager beeped loudly. It was the evil King of Pathology summoning him to the phone but alas he could not answer because he was in a sterile green dress so the nurse answered the phone for him and yelled to all in the theatre "Oh hey J, it's pathology apparently Mr Blah has a potasssium of 2.7!"

At that point the step-registrar relaesed her control over the intern and allowed him to go attend to his dying patients on the ward and herself summoned the other step-reg to assist her in her evil schemes.

So Dr J returned to the ward where he belonged and they all lived happily ever after (except for poor Mr Blah whose health was of questionable state and may not have survived the long weekend. Only tomorrow's team list will tell. Stay tuned!)