How To Pick Up Chicks 101:

Dating today has evolved into a highly complex system of trial and error with young singles today requiring more guidance than ever on how to attract a potential partner of the opposite gender.

To be honest I have no idea how it all works... but let me fill you in on a new trick I've discovered.

No it's not 'negging' (the highly controversial double handed method where a guy tells a girl something in order to both compliment her and make her insecure ie "That's a really nice dress, I saw the exact same dress on a girl in that other bar")

It's called "J's-100%-guaranteed-to-attract-the-attention-of-chicks" method.

Step 1 - find a baby. The younger the better but DO remember that the newborn is more volatile and may projectile vomit on you at innappropriate times. If at all possible find a mixed baby (for this experiment I used a half Anglo, half Asian baby) as they are guaranteed to draw even the most hardened women.

Step 2 - take the baby to a local shopping mall and walk around for hours on end. Don't make eye contact with the women as they walk past. Let the baby do this and draw them in for the kill.

Step 3 - remember that at the end of the day they are interested in the cute baby and NOT you and by virtue of you having a baby you will immeaditaely be struck off their 'available' list as you are supposedly 'taken'

Step 4 - please return baby to wherever you pinched it from.

Today I went to have brunch with my lil sister who is working as a nanny so I got to push the pram all over Bondi Westfield as she shooped for my birthday present (I still don't know how that works?)

The baby was an absolute stunner... behaved himself the whole time... was very cute and drew lots of attention wherever we went. Looked kinda funny though cos everyone assumed my sister and I were the parents but kinda stared when they saw his Asian features. Haha! Got them!

Was really good to spend time with A cos we really havent been able to the last few years (it wasd a bit far to travel when she lived in America) but hopefully we can do better this year. She' managed to emplo herself a personal trainer which just makes me feel fat again. Oh well... I DO think the swimming is doing some good.

Tonight I'm off to dinner with the old med school buds which shoudl be great. I miss seeing them every day at uni... being in the dungeon is so isolating...

Can't wait till I'm back in Sydney for good!

Why I 'dislike' med students...

Caption: "WHAT I'D LIKE TO USE ON MED STUDENTS "



I never thought the day would come when I became miffed with the med students.

It weas only a few months ago that I was one of them. One of the inevitable aggregated platelets forming a plaque on the arterial wards of the hospital and getting in the way of everyone. I always swore that I would never be rude to med students... that I would treat them kindly and always offer to help them out where I was able to.

I always admired the doctors who treated the med students kindly and vowed to pass that tradition on to the next generation.

However yesterday I was annoyed with those young proteges.

Imagine this... it's a long day in the Dungeon... you've been unusally busy admitting psych patients and running around doing a whole long weekends worth of med charts (cos you're about to go to Sydney for 4 days)... your consultants have all decided to come see their patients that day requiring you to fix up all the tests and stuff they want done... so anyway... you work hard looking forward to your upcoming free lunch in the RMO teaching session. You even decided to get there 10 minutes early in order to secure some food.

Imagine your horror/disgust/pain to get there early only to find that the med students got there 30 minutes early and ate ALL of the food so that now there is NOTHING (repeat NOTHING) left for you or the other doctors for whom it was intended. All those gastric juices are worked up for some nutrition and sustenance only to be disappointed by the greedy little med students whove eaten your lunch.

"Not happy Jan!"

Like I'm not against the med students eating (beccause some of them look like they need to eat more)... but there's certain ways/protocols/social etiquettes/pecking orders that need to be observed. Like waiting until the consultants and other doctores have eaten before hoarding one's plate with food. Like going and buying your own lunch if there's not enough becasue unlike the doctors, the med studnets actually HAVE time to go and do such things.

Sorry med students... I'm prob being overly-harsh because of my now increasing peptic ulceration. But next time please let the poor 'terns eat something! (especially the pregnant 'tern... she needs food more than you do!)

Anyways, yesterday I left the dungeon on parole and flew back to Sydney. It was such a nice flight looking over the Eastern coast of Australia the entire flight. Landed down in Sydney to be greeted by two of my mates who had decided to pick me up but had instead got sidetracked at Kripsy Kreme and decided to turn their donut wrapper into a "Welcome home Dr J" sign. We then headed off to my fav Thai restaurant Chao Praya and ate lots and lots of food (duck red curry, pad thai, some hot pot thingy, satay and chilli jam stir fry) before waddling back to their apartment to play some good ole Big 2.

It's so good to be back home for 4 days... as I was flying I was thinking to myself just how content I feel at the moment. Life has it's ups and downs but in the end it keeps going in God's mercy. And right now things ARE going well and I am enjoying being a doctor (despite my ranting and raving). I have so much to be thankful for... my job, my health, my friends, my church, my relationship with God.

Today is a good day.

Steak...(Happy Birthday to me)

Yesterday was my birthday.

I'm now officially old (according to numerous sources).

Now that I'm working my birthday didn't seem as 'special' us it normally does. I still had psychotic people abusing me, I still had those pesky nurses yapping in my ear, I still had to fill in my timesheet as usual.

It was just another ordinary day.

Excpet for the other interns.

I must say the other 'terns I live with are wonderful. Every single one of them (I know you're reading this Dr V) - and I mean it.

From the 'anonymous' chocolate bar left under my door when I returned home from work... to the birthday card with a picture of two very dementing female geri patients on the front cover saying "Happy Birthday Handsome"... they really made it a top day and turned the afternoon/evening into a fantastic celebration. (Thanks guys!)

But what really, really took the cake (bad birthday pun) was that we went to the famous Small-village-near-Whoop-Whoop Pub for dinner and I had one of the best steaks I've had for ages. It was a 250gram Sirloin cooked to perfection (Medium-Well) with pepper sauce and chips.

Mmmm... what more can a man ask for on his birthday??? (that's a rhetorical question - but if you have any ideas please let me know cos my Mum always complains she doesn't know what to get me for my birthday)

They even organised a birthday dessert/cake with sparklers (which I almost missed out on cos my phone kept ringing) and I came home very happy and satisfied.

It was also a historic occasion last night becasue last night marked the first time that I ever consumed alcohol.

Growing up a lot of my mates would get really drunbk and pass out and it really put me off alcohol. Then someone very close to me got drunk one night and was raped by a drunk guy. I swore to myself then that I would never drink alcohol because of the damage it could do.

As I got older and all my friends started drinking I was still underage so it really wasn't an issue for me and then when I finally DID become old enough to dirnk I was so used to saying No I couldn't be bothered. Plus the smell of it really turned me off.

Anyways, to cut a long story short... I have been reconsidering my stance cos it has become more of a hindrance than a help. Having to exaplin to everyone that I don't drink and that it ISN'T a religious thing becomes to tiresome all the time and so I decided to make my birthday the day I would take my first sip.

So last night one of the Ortho reg's poured me a glass of red wine and instead of my usual 5 minute denial of the kind offer, I drank it.

I'm not sure if it's cos I've never drank before or maybe it's just me; but it took some getting used to. Tried the white wine as well (they ended up pouring me drink 4 glasses) and although the flavour may take some time to grow on me.. the sedative effect was quite interesting (seems I can hold it ok, but was feeling 'different')

Anyways, I don't think I'm about to give up on my beloved Coca-Cola anytime soon, but I guess now when I go to wedddings I can actually drink the champers instead of having to pretend to toast then fob the glass off to someone else... hehehe!

Dancing with the Stars...

Today Mr-I'm gonna-build-a-mosque was dancing around the wards. Obviously our medication is so fantastic that he just cannot contain his joy and he feels the need to waltz to the music playing from the television. It's pretty funny but I dare not laugh lest I disturb his artistic interpretation.

He went for a head CT today and afterwards wanted to know if he actually HAD a brain. So I reassuringly turned the computer screen towards the glass so he could verify that he is in fact filling his cranium with something other than sawdust.

Got to chat to one of the patients today who is convinced that we are all being microchipped like pets and all she wants to talk about are primates. Another one is convinced we are all being watched by cameras (she's right to some extent... hehehe)

All in all a pretty quiet day in the dungeon.

Decided to go down to Gloria Jeans for an iced chocolate at lunchtime and got really excited cos Tuesday is the "2 stamps with one purchase" day but when I got back I realised that she only gave me ONE stamp on my card! I don't know why, but I felt really ripped off after that (how stingy am I becoming?)

On the bright side of life, I finally finished my Korean soap opera and the guy and the girl finally got together. Wasn't as good as "Crying out Love in the Centre of the World" though; which would have to be my all time fav Asian soap cos the last episode just really really rocks... so sad! So I guess this weekend when I go back to Sydney I should probably look around for another English-subtitled Asian soapie to keep me occupied.

Still in a lot of pain from getting sunburnt at the beach the other day. I inadvertantly attempted a randomised control trial to see the effects of sunscreen against a control. I put sunscreen on one arm and started talking to one of the registrars and forgot to put it on my other arm. So when we got back home I realised one arm looked normal and the other one was bright red and hurt like hell. I HATE having such white skin. It's times like these I wish I had more melanin. It's finally starting to be a little less painful but it is still not cool... I'm gonna need so many SCC's and BCC's cut out of my body when I get older... another reason to die young I say!

Well it's time to go for a swim and eat some leftover chicken stir fry (I am a huge fan of those "WokStar: sweet chilli and lemongrass" bottles and have been eating stirfry way too much - but seriosuly stir fry is cheap, tasty, quick and healthy for you.. so why not?)

Will write again when I'm a year older.

Nurses are stupid!

Man I hate nurses...

Like in every television show they depict the war between nurses and doctors as some trivial little ego petting banter that has no real underlying basis.

Well they're wrong!

Nurses are so annoying and make our lives hell. They are put on earth to frustrate our plans and make our working life a misery. They must lay awake at night thinking of ways to catch out those annoying little interns who hold all the real power.

Now don't get me wrong... 95% of the nurses I work with are amazing and professional and I count it a privelege to work with them etc etc blah blah blah...

But theres that small minority who have a chip on their shoulder and really need to grow up.

Last Friday we had a guy wanted to build a mosque. He wanted to erect this mosque in his backyard. But when council declined his developmental application he decided to rock up brandishing a tomahawk axe and threatening to kill everyone.

So they locked him up.

Then he decides he has chest pain and even though he's floridly off with the fairies, by law it's my duty to take all medical complaints seriously so I had to run off some blood to do his Troponins and he suddenyl decides he is no longer a Muslim but that now he is a Jehovah's Witness and cannot give me his blood ("You can look, but you can't touch").

So I wrote in the notes "Pt refusing to give blood. Plan: Encourage pt to have blood test and if he agrees page the RMO (that's me) immeaditely on pager xxxx"

Later that day I'm colouring in some med charts when the nurse looking after him runs in and says "Hey Dr J can you come and take some blood from that guy. He agreed and I had one go but I missed and now he's all angry and doesn't wanna allow me"

Now what part of "PAGE ME IMMEADITELY" did she not understand?

So off I trudge to find that she's managed to stuff the only patent vein in an IV drug user and managed to tick him off so much he really doesnt wanna let us back for another stab. I got the reg to take his blood to avoid any more 'misses' and as he's taking it the nurse starts whining "You know you really aren't suspposed to take bllod with a syringe... the new protocol says you have to use the vacutainer"

SHUT UP!!! (apparently this protocol does not exist - I have subsequently been informed)

Then today I asked this same nurse to take one of our patients to ED (the Australian ER) to meet the ENT surgeon so he could get some toilet paper taken out of his ear (don't ask how it got in there - ayo!)

It had taken my registrar quite a long time to convince the surgeon's receptionist that this was a matter worthy of her bosses attention, so finally we had it booked.

So as I walked out of the dungeon today I saw the nurse escortin the patient back to the ward.

"Wow Nurse... that was fairly quick!"

"Oh well... I went up there... but I couldn't see the surgeon anywhere and they were busy up there so I brought him back down"

Grrr!! Doesn' she know after working in the hospital for who knows how long that surgeons are always a bit late? Was her stupid tea break THAT important that my patient now has missed his hardly fought for appointment with the ENT guy?

Then as I walke dout the door I got paged by some nurses on the medical ward who decided that 5pm was the right time to call me and ask me to come and assess a suicidal patient and write him up under a form II under the Mental Health Act.

Like seriously! They've had all day to page me and I've had plenty of free time to do this. Why then, just as I'm leaving, do they decide to bug me?

"Not happy Jan!"

Weekend was pretty good. The girls all went away from Whoop Whoop so the boyz had da house to ourselves.

We woke up late. Went shopping for auto accessories ("argh argh argh!" - insert:male grunting) and then went to Byron for dinner and I had THE nicest fish and chips I've ever had in my entire life (and at $20 it had better have been!). Then went swimming at Byron on Sunday moring, had a leisurely lunch then swam again before heading back in time for church.

I luv weekends now. They make so much more sense once you're working. I can't wait for Friday afternoon to roll around.

Sigh.

Which makes Mondays all the more depressing.

Pizza... oh what fond memories!

Tonight we went out for pizza to farewell the med students...

It's kinda sad cos I didn't really know them that well (cos no one vists us psych people down in the dungeon) but I guess maybe the next lot I can try to talk to or something?

But yeah it's kinda weird... when talking to them there's the obligatory "What med school are you from? What school did you go to? What specialty do you wanna do? Where are you going/did you go on your elective?" and after that... there's not much else... are we doctors THAT sad that we have nothing to talk to each other about outside of med?

Like even in Sydney when we go out... all we do is talk about med... we talk bout the RMO's and the reg's (in particular which ones are 'hot' or have nice hands??) or the funny things the consultants have said or our plans to manipulate the training schemes in order to achieve whatever it is we think we want out of life...

It's like we're social retards or something!

But anyways, dinner was pretty good... had Thai chicken pizza which was really tasty... but unfortunately I think my GI tract is paying for all that cheese now... brings back memories of working 30 hours per week in Pizza Hut during first year med school and eating pizza for dinner every night and feeling sick all the time.

Those were the days... like when we had a mouse in the store and because I was the only non-Indonesian working there I was required to kill the mouse while both the guys and girls stood on the tables and squealed like kiddies.

Or the time that we floured and egged some poor worker on their birthday then chased them into the nearby McDonalds (whilst we were all wearing our Pizza Hut uniforms)

Or the time that we sat on the roof and threw water bombs at unsuspecting customers...

Or the time "Ratboy" and I made up a compilation cassette of "Songs-to-make-pizzas-by"

I miss those days... I felt like I worked a lot harder when I was in the fast food industry and it has kinda made the transition to professional life seem a lot 'easier' physically... (but not mentally - I don't think it requires any neurons to make a pizza... I can STILL tell you what goes on each pizza and in what order and in what amounts)

Ahhh.... enough of this old-timer reminescing... mayeb one day when I make lots of money I can buy my own Pizza Hut franchise and work there for fun on the weekend... hehe!

Ghosts in the dungeon

I'm mad!

It's now official!

Lock me up and put me on the OTHER side of the glass in the psych ward.

Today my computer was possessed!

There I was sitting at the terminal going to look up some blood results when the mouse kept moving all over the place...

"Dodgy cheap health department equipment!" I thought to myself and dismissed it as faulty cabling. Then when I put the mouse down it began to move again by itself.

Hmmm...

Maybe it's one of those optical mouses (without the trackball)? Sometimes they can have faulty wavelengths? So I turned the mouse over to discover it was a trackball type...

Double hmmm...

Then as I went to resume my lab result search on the computer the cursor on the screen began clicking on programs and opening them.

At this point I started pinching myself to make sure I was not losing it. I turned to the security guard (a big bearded beefy bikie) who only let out a cackle when I told him the computer was possessed. The other nurses grinned at me and chuckled too...

Hmm...

Then the possessed machine began opening stuff up and I decided maybe this was some internet virus trying to hack into confidential health department records so every time it opened a program with the cursor I quickly Alt-F4 it closed. But still the cursor flew around the screen trying to open all sorts of programs.

After about 5 minutes of battling this demonic machine I gave up and watched as it log itself off the current user and began typing in new passwords (which of course I couldn't read) and started uninstalling programs. At this point I got very worried that I was never going to be able to check my patient's Lithium levels again.

Then the ward clerk walied into the office and said "Oh yeah, by the way the IT department are going to fix up that computer today... apparently they can control it remotely from their office so don't use it for the next few minutes"

I felt stupid! (for more on possessed computers visit http://www.atheistalliance.org/aaw/Compossessed.htm)

Watched ER tonight and marvelled at how Abbey managed to pull some random metabolic disease from a history of 'vegetarianism' in a paediatric comatose patient. I would so not think of that! (and neither would 95% of doctors)... I luv watching medical shows... and so do most other interns/med students... how sad is it when we come home from work and watch other people pretend to be doctors... I gotta get out more!

Anyways, today one of my psych patients in the dungeon had myocardial ischaemia (almost-heartattack) and I finally got to do some medicine-like stuff (as opposed to the 'let's-sit-down-and-talk-about-why-those-chickens-want-to-rape-you' stuff) and I was pretty chuffed that I got to diagnose the ST depression on her ECG. ONly problem was the cardio reg is a bum and really reluctant to come to our dungeon (cos we don't have 'real' patients) so after much 'selling' of the patient we scored her a one way trip to the medical ward (which means we can now accept another acutely disturbed person from Emergency)... kinda felt good to put the medical knowledge to use on a sick old lady who I've grown quite fond of in the psych ward.

"Benzo's are NOT Satan's tools..."

The above quote is from my boss today during our morning ward round.

It seems the good old benzodiazapines have been getting a lot of bad press recently... Valium is no longer popular to give to old people due to it's effect on their respiratory function. It's seen as a dirty drug that gets oldies addicted to 'sleepers' and turns them into geriatric junkies.

But today AFTER my boss made that prophetic statement about benzo's I saw their wonder first hand.

"Inasmuch as many have undertaken to compile a narrative of the things that have been accomplished among the dungeon just as those who from the beginning were eyewitnesses and ministers of the benzodiazepines have delivered them to us, it seemed good to me also, having followed all things closely for some time past, to write an orderly account for you, most excellent blog-readers, that you may have certainty concerning the things you have been taught." (Luke 1:1-4 Dr J's version)

For the past 5 days we have had a catatonic patient (and no... this does not mean that she has a thing for cats) who has basically been like a dead person. She had a GCS of 3/15 and didn't flinch at all even when we ABGed her and stuck cannulas in her.

She was out of it... we had tried all sorts of drugs to wake her up... we had tried pain 'therapy' to wake her... but she was catatonic... nothing could rouse her.

Then today one of the bosses called to say they had been reading that diazepam (Valium) could sometimes waken people form their catatonic states. Now this kinda seemed counterintuitive as most people get sleepy from taking diazepam... not aroused.

But we decided to give it a go (especially as your GCS can't get any lower than 3 anyway) and I beheld one of the most amazing things I have seen to date (or at least today).

As we pushed the syringe about 3 seconds later this grave-like girl changed into a weeping crying sobbing living person again. It was like magic!

Drug in... patient awake!

Such a rapid response to the IV benzos that I was trying to contain my own amazement! The wonders of modern medicine!

But sadly by the time I left for home she had returned to her slumber-like existence... oh well... we can always whack her with some more diaze in the morning!

It seems we also have some Mexicans reading about the life of Australain interns, so a big Gday to those readers from afar (and yes if you write something on your blog in English then maybe I will visit and read)

Anyways, I shoudl go home now cos I'm still pretty tired after last night when we hit the local 'nightclub' for one of the RMO's birthdays... it was pretty 'classy' for WhoopWhoop and we even managed to score complimentary chips from the bouncer

He said, "Listen to the chips...
they'll tell you nice things...
cos they're complimentary!"

Ayo!

Let's talk about the weather...

Ok... now not to sound like I've run out of things to talk about... but I HAVE to talk about the weather today.

I have decided that white boys are NOT genetically suited to tropical humid weather. Must be something about my European genetics which prefer the cold to the heat... like even my adipose and hair distribution is all geared towards living in a cold climate... maybe I should become a missionary to Siberia or something and live in an igloo?

Yesterday we went to a nearby village to go to the local markets and it was so absolutely sticky and hot and humid. I felt like throwing up and passing out from the heat and it did not subside the whole time.

To make matters worse I went with 4 girls which meant what could have been a 30 minute perusal turned into a 4 hour trek stopping at every stall to 'um' and 'ah' about whether to buy 'organic donuts' or not. Normally I can deal with that (because having 3 sisters has trained me well in the art of pointless window shopping for extended periods of time) but yesterday the absolutely awful humidity (worse than Singapore!) made it unbearable... I got home and had to sleep with the aircon on at 16 degrees to stop mysefl from getting sick... and just in case you thought I am exaggerating... my car windscreen fogged up... from the outside... because the warm humid air fogged up on the outside of the car's windscreen so I had to use my wipers to get rid of it every 5 seconds.

Otherwise it was a pretty fun weekend... saw Memoirs of a Geisha for the 2nd time... which was just as good on the repeat viewing... I luv the cinematograpghy in the film; especially the fast paced blurred camera angles they use in the opening sequence to convey the confusion of the young girl being torn away form her family... very well done!

Booked my flights home to Sydney today... can't wait to have a 'birthday' weekend back home to just hang out with friends and see people again... starting to lose my sanity sitting in the psych wards.

Been watching some more Korean soap over the weekend. Have decided that Koreans on the whole are very violent people. But its a very sweet kinda drama and if the 2 lead characters just told each other how they felt then it would have been over in the first episode but they drag it out for hour after hour and sadly we just keep watching... and they keep saying "Aza Aza... fighting!" at random intervals... hmm.. maybe a Korean reader can fill me in on what that's all about?

Psychiatry itself is boring. I'm trying to find stuff to occupy the day... I look forward to going home and count the minutes until home time... this is pretty bad! Can't wait to be 'busy'... (I know that sounds awful to you other 'terns')

Still trying to lose some weight but not successful so far cos on Friday we went out to try some of Australia's BEST pork... and it certainly tasted fine to me! Mmmm! Spending way too much on food but what the hell, it's nice to be able to eat out now and not worry about the bill! After we finished dinner that night one of the registrars (who had had maybe a bit too much wine) said "Wow look at that other restaurant over there... it must be so popular ... look at all the expensive cars in the car park!"...
I kinda looked stunned for a few seconds before replying;
"Um sorry T...
but that's a car yard!"

Compassion, CREST, Cadbury and Coke

Today I got an early mark for good behaviour (that and there's actually no work to do when we have 3 registrars)... it kinda bugs me that I'm getting paid but getting told by my bosses to go home early... I know that shift work means you can do that if it's quiet, but I guess I like to think I have a pretty strong work ethic (despite what you guys might think from my student days... which was not 'work' in my opinion) which means I feel bad about not doing anything all day in the dungeon. I feel like I'm wasting tax payers money by sitting around and leisurely doing stuff. I'd rather work really hard, flat out for 3 hours then knock off at lunch time and save them all some money... maybe it's becasue of who I am... I've always found that when I'm not working very hard I get bored very quickly... in fact that's why I was accelerated at school and skipped a year... because I worked hard and when I ran out of work I had to get more work or I would get restless. But now there's nothing left to study for... I've got no exams this year for the first time in 18 years... maybe I have ADHD and need something to keep my brain occupied... (because believe me, talking to the nurses in the psych ward is not very intellectually stimulating)

Have become addicted to the new 'Coke Zero'... I am ususally very wary of any changes from the original formula invented by Dr John Pemperton in 1896 (although I must say removing cocaine from it was prob a good idea) but for once I am impressed. Not with the bottled from though which tastes like the Coke Methadone (Diet Coke), but I've found that the canned form of Coke Zero is undistinguishable to my palate from the real thing which is great (because I CAN taste the diff between Coke and Pepsi despite what people may say)... so now I have a no suagr alternative to Coke that retains all the flavour of the real product but with no sugar so my HbA1C level wont go up! Yay! (I'm currently working my way thru a 36 can slab at the moment)

Anyway, today (maybe because I was so bored or tired from last night) I was really moved by the plight of one of our patients. Mrs A is this frail 55yr old lady with scleroderma/CREST who weighs only 35 kilos and has psychotic symptoms and depressive symptoms. She can no longer swallow properly and keeps getting pretty sever aspiration pneumonia. We really encouraged her to have a PEG tube put into her stomach for feeding but she really doesn't want it... she says she would rather die and eat Cadbury chocolate (how cute) than be fed by a tube and never taste food again.

To be honest I totally see her point... I would rather die and be eating/tasting food than be fed via a tube indefinitely with a poor quality of life. I've repeatedly stated that I'd rather die young/fat with a smile on my face than old/frail and depressed. It's quite sad to see her get to this stage though at only 55.

It made me kinda get those warm/fuzzy feelings that make you empathise for the patient. It reminds you that you AND your patient are both human beings, made in God's image with dignity and respect.

But then later, we saw another patient, Mrs B who was extremely manic... part of her mania meant she was extremely manipulative... she would corner staff to try and co=oerce them into doing favours for her... and in this case the only way to deal with her is to NOT care... when she burts in to tears we have to ignore them... when she yells and shouts about being kept in, I have to switch off... in this case, part of being a responsible clinician means I must not care in order to care.

To be honest I think I've lost my compassion over the course of med school. One of the main reasons I decided to do med at all was becasue of my grandmother who died a slow protracted death of breast cancer over a decade. I've always kinda been an 'emotionally-aware' person (prob due to having 3 sisters and being subjected to their chick flicks/culture) and I really wanted to 'make a difference' by doing med.

But somehow during med school I noticed that I began to care less and become more cerebral in my dealings with patients. I'm not sure how it happened. Maybe it was a coping mechanism to deal with the flood of emotions that patients throw at you... maybe it was out of laziness on my part to spend time with patients... maybe it was due to peer pressure... but I noticed that the more the course tried to 'teach' us how to 'feel'; the less I felt for them. Ironically I noticed that the more cerebral students actually took on board these lectures and began to at least 'feign' attempts at empathy whilst I became so apathetic towards my patients.

Today thouh I began to feel again... to actually give a damn about what happened to these people... to have compassion on them... just as Jesus would.

And it's scary... cos to get invovled in the mess of people's live isn't easy... it isn't fun.

It means getting your hands dirty and opening yourself up to get hurt and to give up stuff.

But thats exactly what my Lord did. He actually gave a damn about people with a terminal illness (sin)... he actuallygot his hands dirty by coming to earth to fix things and make them right. It wasn't easy... and it cost him his life. But it was worth it.

It's called love.

"Interns are doctors too you know!"

Last night we watched ER on TV. And the above quote was one of my favourites.

I kinda felt nerdy watching ER with 7 other doctors, but we all kinda knew exactly what it was like (except for that goofy bald guy in the ER with Neila - but I'm scared I might turn out like him!) It's so cool to finally BE an intern... it's what millions of people tune in to watch each week... to voyeuristically see what life as in intern doctor is like... and it makes us real interns feel pretty spesh.

Well right now I'm supposedly 'working' overtime, but unlike last Sunday I am not busy and there are no MET calls and not many cannulas to put in. It's like the exact opposite of last time. Last time was a baptism of fire which on reflection was mainly bad becasue those 2 MET calls disorientated me which set me behind for the rest of the day.

But tonight I was in control.

Tonight I managed to stab a lady 3 times and STILL have her ask me to come back tomorrow morning and visit her. I managed to do nothing to help a patient and STILL have 2 nurses say I was the best doctor they'd seen on the wards so far. Tonight I even had time to drink Coke in the common room and chill for 10 minutes. Tonight I was a real doctor!

It felt so good to chart fluids knowing what and why I was charting them for (as opposed to signing random things), it felt good to spend time actually talking to the patients and not just signing the forms and running off.

This is what it is supposed to be like!

Tonight I was Dr J!

Thanks God for giving me a really nice confidence boost after the awful first shift I had. =)

I was really doubting my choice to work in medicine at all after last Sunday but now I'm content.

I think I've actually helped someone today... and that is pretty cool.

Anyways it's way too late and I need to sleep.

Dr E, who is she?

Dr E (one of the other 'terns) wants me to write a post about her.

So this one's to you E!

Dr E today did her first lumbar puncture (also known as a spinal tap)... The end! (it was on one of my incontinent patients)

So anyway, it's suddenly decided to become all overcast and cold now, so I actually don't mind the weather anymore (I'm so gonna live in Siberia one day cos I hate the heat) but this means my swimming regime has abruptly come to a halt (unlike Sydney, Whoop Whoop only has outdoor pools)... let the fatness begin!

Tonight marks the season return of E.R., mandatory 'lifelong learning'/training for us junior doctors except there's a bit of a squabble over whether to watch Prisonbreak (yay) or House (boo) first... oh well!

Last night's dinner turned out rather poorly cos I decided to vary on the original recipe and had to run off without adding the correct spices (bad idea!) and people havent died yet so I guess it wasn't a total loss.

Anyways, gotta go do some other mind numbing stuff at home (and watch some Korean soapies) so I'll talk later.

Ciao!

Dr J's Kitchen

Tonight it's my turn to do the communal cooking.

I have to cook for all the other interns and initally I thought "Hey no big deal" but after last weeks amazing risotto I have big expectations to live up to.

Not to mention I also avoided telling people WHAT I was going to cook for them (mainly cos I had no idea what I was going to cook) which meant that they now think it's some suspiciously fantastic culinary delight.

I'm sure it will not be.

And what's even weirder is that I wont be home to eat with them cos I have Bible study on tonight so I'll be cooking for them and not eating. Will make sure that they don't get food poisoning though... cos otherwise I will have to work when they are sick.

Still not sure what I'll cook them.. but I have to decide in the next 2 hours...

Decisions, decisions, decisions!

What to do!

The terns here make every meal into a topic of discussion... you know... I could be totally socially ostracised if my meal is not up to their standards... I may have to move out of the house! Or could be banned from cooking ever again... argh!

The pressures of living in a house full of over achievers... that's what I hate about med people... they're so darn good at EVERYTHING they do... they all play violoin grade 8 (or higher) and say "I'm no good" and they all topped everything they've ever turned their attention to. It's such a depressing social group... I need high school drop outs around to make me feel better... I need some bogan friends I think!

But first it's off to the kitchen to feed the doctors!

Later!

The Worst Day of my Entire Life...

Yesterday was the worst day of my life so far.

And that's not an exaggeration.

After spending 2 weeks down in the psych dungeon playing with people's minds, I was rostered on to work on Sunday.

8am till 4pm... just me and the entire hospital to look after.

I was a little apprehenive the night before because little does anyone know that I had never actually successfully put a cannulae into a patient (I kid ye not!), but my intern buddies assured me it would be a breeze.

So naively I met the night RMO for handover and it didn't sound that bad... he ran out the door as fast as possible and about 3 minutes later my pager started beeping "MET CALL LEVEL 7 ..."

I don't actually rememeber how long it took me to get there... I just remember panic setting in... adrenaline coursing thru my veins... worse case scenarios popping into my head... those pearls of wisdom from med school reverberating to "Take your own pulse first"...

I arrived on the ward to find a clot of nurses (I have decided that the best collective noun for nurses in an emergency setting is a 'clot') hovering around looking at me saying "What do you want us to do Doctor?"

Turning around to look for this doctor, I sinking feeling came over me as I realised that I was the doctor and was supposed to do something.

Asked the nurses what was wrong and they gave me some rubbishy story abou the patient being non-rousable and having a distended abdomen a few days post-op from a car trauma... my worst nightmare from med school vivas started to dawn on me... internal abdo bleeding on a weekend with no radiology around!

More out of panic than systematic methodology, I fumbled in my bag for my torch and checked her pupillary reflexes and then suddenly the ICU resident came flying into the room with the crash cart to bail me out... thank God she came when she did or I was stuck for what to do next!

The medical reg (who is supposed to come to these Met Calls) rocked up 30 minutes later because she had slept in (having had 2 hours sleep the night before - did I mention that our working hours are illegal here!) and we worked out that this girl was not gonna die.

In the meantime, my pager had been beeping non-stop during the entire emergency; the cries of ignorant nurses asking me to chart non-urgent medications whilst I was trying to sort out life-threatening stuff... grrr!

So after making sure this girl was ok, I trudged off to see a sick patient on another ward... when I arrived the nurse told me "Oh yeah... this guys blood pressure is 50/30"

WHAT!!!

That sinking feeling began to kick in again and I instinctively said "More fluids" out of viva-brain-washing (thankyou St. George) and began to sweat profusely.

Called the registrar, more out of desperation than anything, and she agreed to 'come and see him' when she had some time... fat lot of good that'd be!

So I asked the nurse to puch 2 more 500mL bags of gel stat and told her the reg was coming.

I nicked off to sort out some other patients and it was only another 10 minutes before the pager started going off "Met Call Level 6"... the level that the 50/30 BP guy was on!

I ran up the stair as fast as my legs would go (gotta love Nike's!) and arrived to find that the nurse had called a Met Call on the low BP guy cos he was unrecordable. Pumped him with more fluids... did a X-match and ran off blood Cx. Reg showed up within 5 minutes this time... he decided today wasn't the day to die and came back to us so we all breathed a sigh of relief (and me especially cos I didn't wanna fill in a death certificate)... found out he was an immunocompromised patient who was septic with a cavitating lung lesion and had been getting 5 types of anti-microbials... and apparently he had been this septic for over 24 hours and no one had decided to do much about it... grrr!

So after I had wasted a few hours doing Met Calls I finally got back to the wards to find my whiteboards filled with jobs to do and my pager loaded with irrate messaged fomr nurses wanting me urgently...

Now in med school we are taught that we should check a patients EUC's and fluid input/output and carefully chart fluids in accordance with a physiological requirement for electrolytes...

Yesterday I just looked at what the previous doctor had ordered and repeated it... (please do not try this at home... it was a very dangerous thing to do and I shouldn't have done it)

I was being 'beeped' non-stop.. had no time to think about the decisions I was making... I was on autopilot but had no idea what I was doing... I no longer became an exercise in patient survival... it became an exercise in MY survival.

One of the nurses looked at my badge and said "Oh we have another Dr J in this hospital... we call him him 'God'... what would you like to be called... 'Jesus'?"

I wish Jesus could have come back yesterday!

Burnt out I trudged down to handover to the evening RMO then walked home to the empty house (all the other 'terns had nicked off to the beach) and cried... yes I cried... it was awful... it was one of the most terrifying days of my life... and I wanted to quit...

I called Mum and Dad and chatted to them for a bit... then went to church... thank God for church... amidst all the awfulness of my day I could still thank God for everything he's done for me... and be encouraged by complete strangers who are my brothers and sisters in Christ...

Today was a new day... I went back to the dungeon and was happy to be in the mad house... happy to be doing nothing and having only 25 patients to worry about today. I had time to chat to my reg (who is quite nice) and take a long lunch break (I didn't pee or drink or eat for 8 hours straight during yesterday's shift)... I will find pleasure in the simple things in life... for in the end... life isn't about work... we are not put here to live in order to work.... but to work in order to live.

There is more to life than this...

"I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell..."

Today was lots of fun down in the dungeon.

Met the incarnation of Ra (the Egyptian sun-god) who apparently has a pyramid in Antarctica (which apparently also includes Tasmania - I'm happy to cede Tasmania to Antarctica).

Met a Buddhist/Hindu priest who isn't Catholic but is in contact with Carl (the new Pope) and thinks he's alright.

Met the 'real' father of Mischa Barton (apparently he adopted her becasue he can't father real children because his magic sperm will kill any babies that might be growing in utero)

I was trying really hard not to laugh during the interviews today... it lightens my day...

Last night was communal cooking night and K whipped up an amazing Chicken Risotto which apparently she got from her mum's Weight Watchers cookbook (so it was healthy too!)

Watched some good ole Home and Away (and laughed at the bizzareness of the storyline) and then watched my second ever episode of House... I love watching medical dramas with other doctors/med-students... so much more to talk about!

Tonight we have plans to go to the pub and eat steak... I LUV the steak up here (had an awesome $20 steak last Friday night which hit the spot!) I think I need to increase my haemoblogin cos for the past 2 days I've been feeling really run down in the mornings... and in true med-student style I'm convinced I have TB or something... so I might go to the staff health clinic and get a Mantoux done (plus my routine serology for health workers)... I gotta find stuff to do cos the dungeon is so boring!

Well I better go now... free lunch starts in 10 minutes and we gotta beat the med students... (I realise now why intenrs hated med students... cos they eat OUR food when we are the ones wokring hard and all they do is ask dumb questions (as I once did) and scab our free stuff... grrr! Don't worry I'll be nice to my POW ones... hehehe...

Adios!

Babyface

Today I was helping admit a new 'client' to our ward and as the reg was talking to her she kept staring at me.

Finally she smiled and said, "Dr J... you look too young to be a doctor! You look like a baby!"

Meh!

She kept dwelling on that fact... ignoring everything else the reg said and later said "Dr J's gonna get a headbutt to the face cos he looks so young!"

Needless to say we Scheduled her and she's now locked up in our little dungeon... and we'll hopefully work with her to eliminate those intern-head-butting-tendencies. But yeah... it's nice to think I'm still young at the ripe old age of 22 and 11/12... and that despite the hair loss I still look young to psychotic people.

Other than that it was a boring day in the dungeon... discharged some patients and it was so funny to see two of them walking out together at lunchtime like a pair of old buddies leaving on a holiday with their suitcases. Oh how I need a holiday right now (and it's only been 2 weeks!)

Got paid today... they decided to pay us $500 travel expenses for our term up here so that was a nice bonus (going straight into my car loan repayments - sigh)... this whole concept of having money is foreign to me... really wish I could pay someone to organise all my $$ for me.

This afternoon after work we had Grand Rounds which was very different from Sydney. Instead of the usual gourmet artys farsty healthy sandwiches, today in Whoop Whoop we had loads of hot chicken wings and drumsticks and free beer/softdrink. Although I'm not a drinker I think that's pretty impressive for this dump. The presentation itsefl was pretty depressing... one of those "root-cause-analysis" thingys where they work out which intern to blame for killing a certain patient last year. Just makes all us new interns feel depressed and imcompetent. Yay!

And apparently one of the nurses reported an official incident from the other night when E, K and I got stuck in the airlock secuirty room in the psych ward... apparently they hospital is now addressing the issue so unsuspecting JMO's will never again be caught in the trap of the dungeon. I think the nurses just have way too much time on their hands...

Anyways, tonight is 'communal cooking night' in our house... so K the night-intern is gonna be feeding us all... should be fun (and there's always Macca's if it isnt!)... speaking of which... I've found that Coles have Peanut Butter Kit Kats for only $0.50 each! What a bargain! My friend SL would be so proud of me finding a bargain on those bars!

Laters!